Balancing Act

I think finding balance in life is one of life's toughest challenges. There always seems to be something that dominates our focus or takes over our lives for a time, leaving us little time and brainpower for other things. Sometimes these dominate things are good and wonderful things such as children, school, church callings, and work. Other times it can turn normal benign activities into a destructive force such as with video games, television, the Internet, or excess shopping. The thing is, even when we are unbalanced regarding good things, it poisons other things in our lives. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

I remember listening in on a conversation between my mother and another woman when I was a child. I am sure they thought I wasn't listening, or they wouldn't have been having this conversation. The other woman was recently divorced and was discussing how she felt with my mother, her her how she thought she got to that situation. She said that throughout her whole 20+ years of marriage, she and her husband had been so focused on their children, that they had neglected to work on their own relationship. By the time their children were grown and out of the house, her and her husband didn't have anything in common anymore. After years of neglect, their marriage had fallen apart. That overheard conversation has stuck in my mind over the years because for so long it baffled me. How can doing something so wonderful, like being good parents, lead to something to tragic, like the end of a marriage? After years of pondering, I've come to the conclusion that it comes down to balance. Although I am sure there were many more factors than those I overheard, I believe that if there had been more balance, perhaps there would not have been such a tragic ending. Even too much of a wonderful thing can be destructive.

Even unbalance in little things can mean missed opportunities. As a high school and undergraduate student, school was the focus of my life. My parents had instilled a great value of education into my soul and I loved to learn. I desired to be independent and knew that being successful in school would help me to get that independence. I worked really hard, and got good grades. I took a two year break from college so that I might serve a mission for my church. I spent 18 months in Spain and met some wonderful people. Some of the most incredible people were the other missionaries that I served with. I was amazed at the talents and experiences that these people had had. Compared to them, I felt like a two dimensional character. I realized that while in school, I had never taken the time to expand myself beyond what was necessary to get the good grades. I had always only taken the classes I needed to take to get into college, get in my program, or get my degree. I didn't have time for any "fun" classes (meaning classes that didn't go toward any degree requirement). I was on the fast track to success and I didn't have time for those things. In fact, I didn't even have time for social things. I lived in Utah, with its glorious national parks and had not even hiked in the Canyon right up the street from me. I had been an athlete in high school, but became really out of shape within a few months of college. I had never taken an art class. I had never just explored something. I had never had a spontaneous adventure.

By the time I returned from Spain, I decided that this would change. The first thing I did was register for a psychology class and a bowling class. I didn't need either of them, but they were classes I had always wanted to take. (I really wanted to improve my bowling score. I had gotten a 25 with bumpers a few years before. Sad.) These classes didn't fulfill any requirement, and didn't help me earn any degree. They were just things I wanted to learn and I loved them. Over the next year I would take more classes like that, including sociology, cooking, and music. It was great. I also made a point to have more adventures. I hiked the Y (the local mountain here in Provo) with my sister and some friends. I joined a gym and discovered that I could run and it was so good for my body and spirit. I made friends and decided that my Friday and Saturday night dates with the library had to stop. When I embarked on these changes, I thought it would be a detriment to my grades. Boy was I wrong! My last two years of undegrad school I got the best grades I had ever received. Being balanced actually helped me focus better on the task at hand. It provided mental stability and body rejuvenation. It made me feel whole.

The truth is I am not perfect at this. In fact, if you looked at my life this last semester, you would think I was a big hypocrite. Life changes and there are things that do need our attention more than others at times. But we should never let that thing overtake us. We cannot let it monopolize us such that we start to identify ourselves with just that one thing. We are more than just the titles we hold or the responsibilities we have to fulfill. We are more than just students, employees, parents, spouses, and church workers. We have to be a summation of all those things. The truth is, we are divine and have so many talents to develop and responsibilities to fulfill. We need to be balanced to fulfill our full potential as children of God.

So how do we start? Well, we evaluate our lives. Is there something you have been neglecting lately? Make a list of those things and then make small steps to incorporate them back into your life. You can't do it all at once. It is too overwhelming. But with small goals, it will be manageable. Remember, you can never do it all. There are just so many things to be done. But you can feel good about what you are when your life is balanced. You will be a whole person.

I'm determined to get back to a balanced life. Will you join me?