Dreams and Nightmares

Last night I had one of the most stressful nightmares. I don't have nightmares very often, in fact I can count all of my nightmares on one hand. The problem is, when I do have them, they are so vivid and disturbing that I can't get them out of my head for days. Because they are so realistic, I've remembered each one. Isn't it creepy that some of my most vivid and striking memories are my nightmares? I don't know what that says about me, but I don't like it. Just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about, let me share a couple.

When I was about eight years old, I woke up screaming one night after a particularly disturbing nightmare in which me and my family were being chased and hunted down through a stucco maze (resembling the old apartments that we lived in in Arizona. remember those?) Most strikingly I remember the screams of my Mother as we heard bullets being fired, Dad yelling for us to keep running as he went back to distract the pursuers, and then turning a corner only to come face to face with the man who was terrorizing us. I have never met that man, but I can tell you everything about his appearance, down to the black piercing eyes and the brown cowboy boots spattered with red dirt.. It really freaks me out. That's probably the worst dream I've ever had.

Another nightmare, that actually reoccurs about once a year, especially during particularly stressful weeks of school, has to do with test taking. In the nightmare, I check my finals schedule online, only to find that I had forgotten to drop one of the classes I had at the beginning of the semester. Because of this oversight, I hadn't been to any lecture, hadn't done any of the homework, and had to take a HUGE final the next day on a subject that I had absolutely no knowledge about. Of course the subject of said class is something that I am terrible at, like calculus or organic chemistry. It usually end with me walking out of the testing center after completely flunking the final. Maybe this is just one more evidence that I stress way too much about school, but let me tell you, that nightmare has made me overly conscious about checking my class schedule.

So last night, my nightmare had me taking the LSAT, and absolutely EVERYTHING going wrong. The test was in a completely different format than I had studied and I was cramped on the very corner of a long banquet table with other test takers elbowing me and pushing me off the ledge. Not only was the test different than expected, but someone had written obscenities all over it. I could hardly even read the questions and could only find four of the 100 places to bubble in my answers. To make matters worse, the two girls and boy that were surrounding me at the table were obviously cheating, and I felt not only distracted, but morally conflicted. I wanted to tell the proctor, but was so stressed about figuring out how to read my own test, that I couldn't really focus on either problem. The nightmare ended with the proctor yelling times up, me having only answered four questions. I asked the proctor if I could re-take the test because of the writing all over my copy, only to hear that it was too late. I would just have to settle with failure. Needless to say, my nerves got the best of my in my subconscious, but luckily I will not let them take control completely. I took a pre-test today, and it went really well. In fact, I feel more peaceful right now that I have all summer about it (Thanks Eli). At least I know, that whatever happens Monday, it won't be as bad as that...and therefore I can handle it.

Just so this doesn't sound so depressing, let me tell you my earliest memory. It's actually a vivid dream that I had several times as a child. I know I must have been young, because Cecily wasn't born yet, and I remember my Mom looking like she was in her twenties and my Dad's bright red hair. It takes place on a warm summer night on a country road. My parents and I are in a red convertible car, the warm air passing through my blond hair. I'm sitting in a car seat, strapped in the back, while my parents are in the front seats. The road is cradled on either side by lush, green rolling hills, and we are canopied by a sky bright with stars. The one word I would use to describe this dream is peace. That's it. Secretly I've always wanted a red convertible, and I think that's because I've wished to someday to be a mom in the front seat, with my little girl looking at the stars in the back seat. Hmmm....that's a happy thought.

Well, there you go; you have a deeper look into the mind of Meg, including the disturbing and hopeful. Isn't it amazing that our minds can think up these amazing scenes, all while we sleep? I hope I don't have another nightmare for long LONG time, but luckily if I do, I have other happier dreams to reflect on.

Happy Dreaming!